Back into Society

I don't know if anyone's ever had the experience of watching life go by you, but it is the weirdest feeling. After going through a nervous breakdown and total burnout in the counseling world, I learned that there was no way I could see 100 clients a month, work in crisis care, and be sane. I was becoming angry and short with everyone, and new it was time for a change.
From being an always leader to a follower was a strange transition. I remember seeing people rushing by me and was so slow in a healing time.

More time waiting...for what's next feels so hard. Living in the slow is really good but definately countercultural. These deep times have made me cry when I think.. what's up? Why does it seem so long for what I prayed for to happen?
Maybe it's what I'm learning and living now that counts. Stepping back to take a hard look at what my priorities are is what God allowed me to do.

Don't get me wrong, I still from time to time struggle with feeling like I need to fit in (with what?), deal with being myself with all the societal pressure on women to be nice and look pretty. Well, I can tell you, I'm not always nice, I'm impatient, judgemental, and get annoyed at people easily...BUT, I am thankful, it's ok. When something inside says I have to be this perfect person (whatever that is), look great all the time, always be taking care of everyone...I stop, and realize...no.
Change hurts. Realizing I have such value and am loved for more than the outside or what people may think about me, is freeing.

I don't have to be accepted by others to be loved by God. When my heart is so quick to assume something about others, to open up and take the time to really get to know them, is like an onion with layer after layer peeling off.

Saying NO to a history of performance, control, worth based on accomplishments, perfectionism, legalism, and judgemental Christianity and yes to learning more about myself...sometimes the hard way...and more about what a real relationship with Jesus really is is a process, but standing on what I know is true means I don't have to figure it all out all the time. That trap of performance based spirituality and image comes knocking often, but I have to remind myself...there's nothing I can do to be loved more. I just am.

FREEDOM.

Where Is The Love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc

Where is the Love?

Love, ..a choice? I heard someone talk the other day about how love isn't only through words, but actions too. I know it is harder to love those closest to me than strangers...and I wonder to myself, "why?" After having a deep conversation with some friends the other night, it made me think. 

There are some things I have been learning about LOVE lately:

Love can be communication. If I don't communicate, I can only assume. Love takes time to build, as does trust, which feels like that is a huge part of love too...building trust. I don't think I really felt like I had to prove myself as a kid. I just played. As an adult, I see where I live;;;in a performance based society. I know I have to prove myself on the job, and it's been new to learn to NOT perform in down time. Like, doing things just because...just to enjoy. Getting back to digging in the dirt, painting, writing, especially writing.
Love can be...being real, digging up dirt on myself and exposing it because I can relate to you and you can relate to me, as we learn how to grow.
Love is...feeling vulnerable because I've just put myself out there. It doesn't always feel good, but it unites.

I found myself having expectations for people that just weren't being met, and for myself, for that matter. So, it hit me. I'm realizing, it's time to let go of those and just enjoy people for the good qualities. On the phone today, waiting to see if I could get on a payment plan for huge medical bills, and stressed about it, the operator reminded me that it's important to "learn to ask for what you need" as she described a surgery she had that cost her over $50,000!! Learn to ask for what you need. Sometimes, I assume people somehow know that, or they can read my brain or something. Maybe another part of love is asking for what you need, and also knowing what you can give, and can't give. 

Love is...just listening, even when it's a long listen.

Love can be...just taking care of things and respecting every thing and person.

Love is...slowing down to really face people, and not just rush past them.

Love is...accepting myself when I see more of the 'junk', but really being ok with accepting imperfection as perfection.

I feel like people didn't used to be so fast or hurried. It feels a little bit colder, like conversations are just transactions, on the way to somewhere else. WHICH IS WHY I am thankful for friends that talk face to face, without their cell phones in front of them, people that teach me how to learn the art of relaxing, and just being in the world.

As I have had more time at home recently, in between jobs, I have, for the first time ever, experienced what it is like to be...slow, and to face myself. It is not easy, when all around me says to be 'something," I have to be fast, always producing, and busy. 

Yet, the learning lessons when you slow down are huge. The beauty in drinking iced tea in the sunshine, resting, and destroying the mental myth that this is lazy. I'm still learning how to accept my own culture, for some reason, but it is a process. 

Oh yeah, and love can be...just the mundane..making it special.

When was the last time you turned the phone off and just focused on someone else?

What is one thing you did today that was slow?

How do you feel when you slow down?

What is one thing that inspires you?

Love, 

Me

What's the meaning? Where are your values?

Thinking, and over thinking, alot about what success is. In the past, success around me told me looking good, being busy, having more...was.
Now, I'm like, "What can I she'd that weighs me down to work toward what really matters?"
What really matters to you?
I know for me, it's not in the clothes, perfectly manicured nails, heels, and $5 lattes...don't get me wrong, I do like a good chai tea, but that's not the point.
What I'm saying is that the superficoal and chasing stuff...never fills me. It only makes me more stressed, more annoyed at people, more rushed, and less appreciation for beauty in life. I struggle with what all around me says a wOman should be, and I do desire to be beautiful, but I more desire to be working in my purpose and enjoying this short time here than focused on stuff. So, for all the people who feel you don't measure up, or compare yourselves to others to try to measure up to your perceived definition of success, remember...you are your own brand of beautiful and the world needs that!!

Be not conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mond, then you will be able to test what God's perfect will is!!:)
 Happy shining.

Keep It Movin'

I visited a friend from the past today and she reminded me of a funny story from High School.
Picture this:
Wizard of Oz- Good witch, Glenda in pink puffy dress that looked like a cupcake. I'm walking across the stage to get Toto as he is barking. My dress gets caught on the edge of the cardboard tree prop, "I hear you Toto, but the tree is moving!"
Keep it movin'....the theme of life!
When it looks hard, when it gets hard...never give up! When it gets hard, it will always get better.

For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Connect

Coming from a fast paced world of work to being unemployed searching for work, I finally am learning that I don't have to go so fast! That's what I saw with working people so hard and burning them out, which leads to health issues or even hospitalization. Is it really worth it God? I ask. It's the battle between not doing anything and not doing too much. Maybe that is the eternal search for balance.
 In the small town area here, it is a lot slower. I wouldn't trade the slower pace and building real connections with the disconnected speed life. Chaos is everywhere and to keep up with life and bills, things have to be done. But, is it worth killing yourself over at a hyper speed pace.
As an overachiever, I am learning to slow down and it actually makes my work more productive and thorough. I know that I need a challenge so I started my own business and these are some things I am learning from slowing down.
- It's hard to be your own boss. You gotta push through it!
- Your worth isn't based on your job. The value comes from God.
-I can actually taste and enjoy my food.
-Its nice to linger with someone and talk instead of rushing off.
- I can really 'see' the person in business and talk with them instead of rushing off.
- I meet more friends.
- I can take a nap.
- It allows you to really take inventory of all the things in your life and decide which ones are necessary.

I can Sing

At the Hope Center the other day and walked in to see a woman packaging honey. Usually, the kitchen is full and busy as we bag up produce to pass out to families in the community. Today, no one was there, except a woman with a big smile on her face. She showed me what to do, and we started talking. I listened to her story as she told about going to prison, then the mental institution and her hopes and dreams for learning again with a 4th grade reading level. She was moving soon, nearer to her family, and was so happy. She asked me if I wanted to hear her songs she made up when she was very low in prison. I listened as she sang...beautiful, peaceful voice. She has a son. "He brings home any color of girlfriend," she says, laughing. We find out we like the same music and listen to some tunes by Yolanda Adams and Donnie McClurkin while we work.
Connection over honey. I think of all the people who are tucked away that nobody sees, with so many hidden gifts and treasures to share with the world.
I was also humbled because I realized how priveleged I was to have had a college education. It also made me think, though, that no degree makes you important, no status, no title. We all have value in God's eyes.

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.-Galatians 3:28

Back to the Roots

As I recently moved back to my hometown, it's like entering into a new culture. After living the city life for so long, I laughed as I noticed I didn't know how to slow down here. I bet it takes about a year!!
Some musings on the difference between here and there:

People in the city are out and about more...literally out on porches, working and say hi and strike up a conversation.
In the country, we say HI, but in the suburbs, people are mostly in their house. Whenever I walk, I feel like I am the only one on the planet in the neighborhood.

In the city, I would have guys yell out the window. Here guys, smile and say HI.

City- DIVERSITY. People don't look like me.
Here- not much. People look like me.

Country- When I can go in the backyard, cross the creek, and discover a hiking trail and walk it with my cup of sweet coffee without seeing another soul and seeing many varieties of birds and some deer.
City- When I can get in my car and go to the local coffee shop full of people and see people walking dogs.

Country- Family value. Eating together...the classic meat n potatoes, roast and mashed potatoes meal and always a big pitcher of iced tea, especially on Sundays. Playing games at meal time.
City- Visiting friends houses for meals and visiting cultural events.

Country- In a way, country talk and city talk seem similar. I see my family pace similar to the pace of the culture I came from in the city.

Country...um, Confederate Flags:(.
City....Black Lives Matter Yard Signs

Country...WalMart Clothes shopping
City....Awesome vintage and resale

Country...Hard work, and nice things; wealth
City...more visible poverty

Country- light colors of dress
City- Black dress

Country- absolute quiet at night, stars, and calm
City- Absolute NOISE at night, cars driving by, and busy

Country- BE, BE, BE
City- DO, DO, DO

Country- "them" and conversation with racism twinged statements
City- Positive conversations about racism; honesty

Country- the one and only drive through "Hit N Run" with frozen cherry Pepsi's
City- Café Style QT's

Country- little donut shops and a church on every corner
City- Quaint coffee shops and bakeries on every corner

Jesus on a Chain

Walking in the activity center where I used to work today, I am hugged on the leg and greeted by a small person, a cute face asking if I could walk him upstairs. I am busy talking to a teen artist telling me about how he is learning to airbrush and starting his own clothing line. The little guy runs off and I get to listen to a teen who, before, didn't have much motivation for his amazing artwork, now excited about cultivating his gift.

Just around the corner, a little boy with a gold chain comes up to give me a hug. I kneel down to ask him his name and come eye to eye with a person on a medallion on a chain. It looks to me like an Egyptian pharaoh. I ask him what it is, and he says, "Jesus." I ask him to tell me about Jesus, and with wide eyes, he says, "He turned water into wine!" "He parted the water." I ask him if he knew what Jesus thought about kids and told him the story about the disciples telling the kids to get away from Jesus; that they were bothering him. Jesus never was too busy and always had time for the little people thinking they were very special!
"Nuhuh, that's not true!" this little boy says indignantly. "Oh yes it is" I say as I get to tell him it's because kids are special. He is special.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Luke 16:18

Carrying the Load

Today I happened to look down on the kitchen floor to what I thought was a spec of dirt. Well, dirt doesn't move and as I squatted down to get a closer look, what I saw made me think. A large ant was crawling, but couldn't crawl as fast because there was a piece of lint stuck to his back right leg. As I examined the ant, God reminded me that is how we are. We can carry around burdens that slow us down.
As a woman, I have often thought I have to do everything for everyone, which I am learning is just plain exhausting. I am learning, bit by bit, to take care and then care for what I can...not everything. Also, letting the little things be little things and not turn into bitterness, unforgiveness, regret, or anger. These are heavy burdens to carry! To have these buried landmines in my heart affects my health and the relationships with others around me. It's like a volcano and when I have talked with the person instead of ignoring things, I have found that over time, the relationships gradually improve as trust improves.
All that from a little ant. I love how God uses the everyday things..


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. - Hebrews 12:1


“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).

What's up with the RITZ?

Well, back in my home town here..in Illinois and I never remember RITZ crackers being so popular when I was a kid. Now, they are everywhere. This may not be funny to anyone else, but I said to myself, "If I see another box of RITZ crackers, I am going to create a blog post!"

Lo and behold, in the checkout line at Walmart,,,there it was RITZ! I mean, how many of these can you eat in the cold season? I have to admit, I do like them with cheese and summer sausage, but my sister and I were not raised on them. We were from a health food family, which I am grateful for now. I'm talking applesauce with pizza type of family. One vegetable or fruit with every meal and NO SODA!!

Anyway, back to the RITZ. I saw them on my family's dining room table for a straight  month, at Schnucks, in pantries, and at the front display at Walmart. I had to smile as I am just thankful for the little things; small crackers in a small town. 

Are you an artist?

Doing my normal walk through the neighborhood park the other day, I was stopped by an older man asking me if I was an artist. With a black tshirt and jeans, I think I looked like just a regular person, nothing particularly outstanding, I thought, that would identify me as an artist.

This man, G, then went on to say how he had just moved back to St Louis after getting into trouble, and trying to start his life over. He said he wanted to start a painting company and painted the murals for St Louis Center in the past. He then pulled a worn out thick Bible from a grocery bag he had sitting by him on the park bench. He said he's in his 60s and jusT starting life over and grateful to God for giving him another chance.
As I listened to him talk, it reminded me of how amazing it is that anyone can start over anytime and God is a God who is in the business of meeting us where we are. His optimistic outlook with no friends and no job but with alot of hope to start over was inspiring!

Now to Him who is able to do incredibly more than all we ask, hope, or imagine,  be glory and honor and power forever and ever, Amen.

It's Not The Same

Walking through the Loop the other day, I was stopped by a man with a cane and a cup asking for money. He talked about his story...his life..going to school as a young black male, and not having the same opportunities as other kids. He had to drop out of school to help his family. After having served in Vietnam, he came back with brain damage and was not able to find a job. He talked about having hope in Jesus, and then gave a me a hug. You never know who you are going to meet...everyone has a story.

ADULT ART PARTIES

READY TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS 

OR A COUPLES NIGHT OUT?

Evening Art Parties.

No Experience Necessary, except a desire to HAVE FUN!

Jessica will have art samples of different styles and teach you painting techniques.

YOU provide the space and maybe some yummy snacks, and Jessica brings all the things you will need to express your creative side!

    

Get a group of friends together and create your own party!

ONLY $30 a person. If you get a group of 8 or more together, YOU, the host, get a free painting!

SO....

What are you waiting for? 

**Call Jessica at 805.402.1118 or email at jessicagushart@gmail.com to set up a party**

(All parties need at least 4 people)

FACE PAINTING

!CUSTOM FACE PAINTING!

      

ARE YOU HAVING A PARTY AND NEED SOME UNIQUE FACE PAINTING?

Let Jessica know your theme for a custom face painting party.

She is available to do any designs including tribal designs, glitter/jewel embellishments with designs, animals, and more!

Contact Jessica at 805.402.1118 to add some pizazz to your party.

(Jessica accepts cash only at a flat rate of $20 per hour +mileage costs; call for a quote)

SUMMER ART OPPORTUNITIES!!

SUMMER ART CLASSES

**All classes: 1 hour/ $15 per hour**

Contact Jessica: 805.402.1118 for more information

5% of your payment goes to support the Salvation Army Summer Youth Programs

(http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/youth-camps-and-recreation)

CRAZY CREATE (Deadline to register- Sunday, July 3rd)

Have fun learning different art skills to empower you and bring out your unique self. 

Ages: 6-12 years

Dates:July 4th-July 8th / 9-10am

• Day 1:My Vision Board
• **Create a vision board using collage materials to describe all the things you like about you!
• Day 2: I am Unique
• **Create a painting that represents the things that make you unique. 
• Day 3: What I Wanna Be.
• **Talk with other kids about what you want to be when you grow up. Create a puppet that looks like you in your future as an adult.
• Day 4: Move to the Beat
• **Listen to different types of music and create your own group dance to the beat. 

WEARABLE ART (Deadline to register, Friday, July 8th)

Ages:6-12 years

Dates:July 11th-July 15th / 9-10am

• 
• Day 1: If you Were a Superhero
• **Learn how to create a wrist cuff from recycled materials that expresses the unique things about you...your superpowers!
• Day 2: Junk to Treasure
• **Create a 'junk' collage of your name out of recycled plastic, bottle caps, chip bags, and things you use every day. It's amazing what you can make with trash!
• Day 3: T-shirt braiding
• **Braid recycled tshirts together to create belts, headbands, or jewelry.
• Day 4: Soda Can Jewelry
• **Help recycle and create your own soda can medallion necklace with your name engraved on it.
• 
  

I know who I am

"I know who I am," said the lady at Home Depot as she rang up some plants I bought the other day.
"It hurts to stand on this floor all day. I am glad I have a job, but maybe I need another one, to work in my purpose. I don't mean to be snobby, but I know who I am, you know what I mean? Maybe I should open my own business." As I listened, I saw life in this woman, and purpose. I shared with her how anything is possible with God. She smiled saying, "I receive that blessing."
Do we really know who we are? Thankful someone does:) For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10.

"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

Lowe's

As I go into Lowe's the other day to get paint...I had to wait like normal. Well, I'm expecting that since it's near dinnertime and the store is full. No big deal.

An older gentleman in the paint department is helping many people, and when he is finished and walks over to help me, he apologizes over and over again, how sorry he is for not being quick enough. "I'm trying to get better." 

I tell him it is ok, no need to rush. 

I can't tell you in this city, how many times a Black man will apologize to me or the time a clerk called me to checkout first at the grocery store, when there was a Black gentleman in front of me!! It makes me feel so sad and strange because it feels like it puts me on a higher level and I do not deserve any special treatment. I'm thankful God sees us as part of His family. 

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him.- Romans 10:12

Sorry I'm Walkin' by You!

On a nice day in St Louis, as I was walking from the bus, an older gentleman crossed over the street to the sidewalk, apologizing for '"walking by you." I was surprised with the comment and told him it didn't matter to me because we are both people and just walking. I felt sad that a black man in this city apologizes that he is walking by me...a white woman when there is nothing that makes me better than anyone else, but made me remember as a white woman, I do have privelege, we do have divides here, and I am constantly aware of it.

He went on to say he was so upset because his girlfriend wouldn't stop talking and yelling at him and made him so mad, that he had to leave so he wouldn't hurt her. He talked about recently being released from 'the pen' and how he just wants to be happy.

I asked him what he thought would make him happy, and shared with him that I am not always happy...shared about life...that there's no good in me (as he stopped and looked me in the eyes), but that I have joy no matter what the circumstances....that God in me gives me joy and any goodness or good stuff in me is from Him. He says, "I'm saved"..and I talk to him about how I'm not into 'religion,' but real life joy, real life relationship with Jesus because of what HE did for me. He stopped, looked, and listened... this man who was much older than me that I look up to just because of his wisdom of age...my brother.

Learning in Prison

The other day, at my early morning bus stop, met a woman who was headed to her parole officer for her meeting. She shared about her time in the prison system for 3 years and the lack of development, education, or growth opportunities for people in there. She had a lot to say about her thoughts about what happens to people when they try to re enter society. We just had a bill passed that bans the box for felony convictions on hiring applications, aiding in more job opportunities for those out of prison and reducing crime.
Seventy percent of people released from prison commit another crime within three years, and part of this recidivism rate is due in part to how difficult it is for them to find a job.

Read more: http://nationswell.com/states-reduce-crime-rate-by-removing-check-off-box-on-job-applications/#ixzz46Ih8yqtW

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  Bridging the Opportunity Divide

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  At a Texas restaurant staffed by ex-offenders, young men ditch criminal backgrounds to roast, toast and sauté high-end cuisine.

Read more: http://nationswell.com/states-reduce-crime-rate-by-removing-check-off-box-on-job-applications/#ixzz46IgwdiUC

What would you do? I challenge you.

A man...yelling and cussing out a woman with two kids as she walked down the street. She was asking him to get away. He continued following her, harassing her. Neighbors came out to their porch steps...to watch. No one intervened. What would you do?

A woman...at McDonalds...with 10 kids to corral on her own. Looked stressed...yelling and cussing at the kids. She pushed one and the security guard says..."There is nothing we can do?!" Yeah right. What would you do?